Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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