Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
