the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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