I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
