he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
