escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
