I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
