I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
