Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
