this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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