so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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