When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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