Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
