well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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