I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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