you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
