He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
