I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
