Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
