We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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