Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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