I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
