between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
