Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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