This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
