Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
