Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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