MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
