she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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