somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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