i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
