You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have demons in me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
