Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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