dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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