where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
