i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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