you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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