i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
