Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
