I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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