Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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