two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
