Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
