Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
