I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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