you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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