i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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