Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
