There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
