So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the condom got lost in my hair
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's like heaven, but drunker
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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