I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone shattered a urinal.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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