I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
