Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
