is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
