the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
