is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Life is so much better after having sex.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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