Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
